Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
