Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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