Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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