The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
