Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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