you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
