did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
