hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
