Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
