He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
