I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
