oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
