i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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