Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to calm my uterus...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
