he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
