my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
