Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
