I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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