whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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