I'll bet she douches with gravy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
