Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
