if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
