Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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