so explain again why im purple
no
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
