I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
