Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
