why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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