Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
