I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
