The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
