on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
