I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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