Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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