apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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