When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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