Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
