people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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