Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
