i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
