moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
