today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
