The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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