This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
