i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
