The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
