Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
