Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
