I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
