So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
