i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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